What if I do not reach an agreement?

If an agreement is not reached, there is no penalty. If no agreement is reached, the parties have several options.

  1. You can leave the matter unresolved and move forward.
  2. You can reschedule another mediation session and continue to discuss the unresolved issues.
  3. You can move to another process, such as arbitration.
  4. You can file a lawsuit or if the matter is already in court, proceed to trial on the court case and let the judge resolve the matter.

The parties have the option to continue with the mediation sessions or discontinue them. In a court-referred mediation case, the mediation is simply reported as unsuccessful and the case moves forward in the courts.

You can simply throw up your hands and “take it to the judge” and go to trial. That is not usually a satisfactory choice however. The fact is that most judges do not want to make decisions about your family after a short trial. Judges know that you have so much more information and they will hear only a small fraction of it in a trial. They want you to make the choices because this concerns your family and will have lasting repercussions.

Many divorcing spouses want to go to the judge to be able to tell their story. Unfortunately, this does not happen often in court. Instead, the judge gets small bits of information filtered through the rules of evidence. It is actually during mediation that your story comes out and gets told.

Of course, you can continue negotiations on your own. Often this does not result in any progress toward settlement. In some cases, however, mediation can narrow the dispute down. Once you know what the issue really is through this narrowing process, you may be able to come up with a suitable resolution.

Many times, divorcing spouses use mediators only one time, expecting to settle all the issues between them in 60 or 90 minutes. That is not always realistic, especially if you have children and/or a complicated financial situation. That is why I encourage do-it-yourself parties, as well as parties represented by lawyers, to attend several mediation sessions. Depending on the number of contested issues between you, you may need three or more mediation sessions to resolve the case.

Mediators are trained to help divorcing spouses generate alternatives and to understand what the true interests are behind the parties’ positions. That is what makes mediation a valuable process.

Mediators ask “Why?” you want the outcome you are asking for. Most people cannot look behind their positions and go to the true “interest.” It is very difficult ask yourself why you really want what you want. That is what makes mediators valuable in a divorce dispute.

Mediators can often help you resolve disputes that were seemingly impossible to resolve between the parties. So if your mediation fails, please go back and try again. Mediation fails – but not often.

If you are looking for a family mediator contact Marc P. Feldman’s Divorce Mediation Center of New Jersey. I assist divorcing couples in reaching resolution of their divorce disputes so mediation does not fail.

Marc P. Feldman’s Divorce Mediation Center of New Jersey serves clients in Parsippany, Morristown, Morris Township, Morris Plains, Dover, Rockaway, Roxbury, ,Madison, Florham Park, Chester, Boonton, Chatham, Denville, Hanover, Florham Park, Kinnelon, Mendham, Mount Olive and all of Bergen County, Essex County, Hudson County, Middlesex County, Morris County, Passaic County, Somerset County, and Union County, New Jersey.


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